It reminds me of winning
I'm the nicest freaking guy you'll ever meet.
Dearest Scam Fam,
What a week for grifters, am I right? I haven't had a chance to watch either of the Fyre Festival documentaries, and I've been avoiding the reviews and reactions so I can go in ~fReSh~, but I welcome your thoughts and feelings; I will file them away for my future enjoyment
A handful of loyal scambassadors alerted me to the Caroline Calloway drama. My lukewarm take on that sitch is that she's only sort of a scammer! We shall discuss that in more detail, though not today, Satan.
Also, I want to take a quick sec to make sure y'all are caught up on the El Chapo trial. I've been following along via Alan Feuer's reporting for the NYT. This trial was never not gonna be bonkers, but holy moly, it has exceeded expectations. He paid Enrique Peña Nieto a $100 million bribe?!? His mistress rolled up in court and said (in front of his wife!) that she believed-slash-wished they were still romantic partners??? Then described how they once escaped naked through a sewer?!! And that was all after prosecutors had established that marines had found "a rocket-propelled grenade launcher; his monogrammed, diamond-encrusted pistol; and crates of plastic bananas filled with cocaine" in the hotel room from which they'd fled. We can all only hope that if we ever go down we do it as iconically as this.
But you don't have to run the Sinaloa Cartel to lead a glamorous life of crime — you can become the Tanning King of St. Louis and start a side hustle as a drug kingpin so long as you know your way around teeth whitener, local stripmalls, and the loading docks of your corporate HQ. That's what Todd Beckman did, at least until he took a revenge kidnapping too far, got caught, implicated himself in all kinds of ways, and got sentenced to 20 years in prison. It's all documented in this Riverfront Times feature "The Long, Violent Fall of Tanning Mogul Todd Beckman," which sparked alllllll the joy for me. It was also well covered by the St. Louis Post Dispatch last year, but no complaints, this👇 is a guy worthy of a lot of press:
Would you believe a scammer's heart beats beneath that chest of bronze? Same.
I want you to read the story and experience the twists and turns of the drama for yourself, because it really is like an episode of Claws except without those winning nail artisans to root for. To entice you further, I'll give you some fun bullets about the personalities involved and events depicted:
Once upon a time, Todd Beckman was a professional powerboat racer on the Formula One circuit. (I did not know that was a thing, and I found this video to be a rather satisfying introduction.) He kept the trophies from that in his office, because it reminded him of winning.
While being questioned by law enforcement, he explained that there was a go-kart racing expert from Los Angeles who was flying in to coach his children.
Stakeout at a Steak ’n Shake.
The victim of the kidnapping, Ellis Athanas III, had not only grown out his hair to 26 inches, he'd proudly measured it. Then Beckman shaved it off :(
Ransom negotiation at this spot.
One of the crime scenes was also the site of a suspicious explosion in 2006 in which a gas line was left open and a space heater stuffed with paper, hotwired to an electric timer, and left next to a bunch of fuel cans. The arson charge was dropped and Beckman got his money. All as it should be.
Live drop in a Smoothie King parking lot. The #brands in this story alone are a fever dream come true.
Like El Chapo, Beckman had been pursued by federal prosecutors for years, and if he'd just stuck to his skillset, selling shady supplements legally and pot less legally, he'd have been fine! He was clearing around $32 grand on each of his monthly drug shipments when he violently tortured a walking Pantene ad for robbing him of $15k and some weed. Just take the L, my dude!
Oh, and about Athanas, that walking Pantene ad: He took a rough beating and thought he was going to die and lost his beautiful hair, which I will admit seems terrible. He also wasn't charged with any crimes, and as far as I can tell, got to keep the BMW and Mercedes he bought with the cash and profits from the drugs he stole. Seems like he knew exactly what a friend who hasn't robbed you yet is called ;)
Enjoy your weekend, don't kidnap or get kidnapped, and definitely don't get caught.
Scam in Peace,
Ruthie
PS: My schedule the next couple weeks is a little weird due to reasons that are none of your beeswax, so who can say what will wind up in your inbox? I'm gonna do my best to get you something, but no promises (not that you'd be foolish enough to take me at my word anyway). Reminder, you can always read the archives, and coerce your friends and enemies to subscribe.
My Week in Consumption
Look, I'm as surprised as you are, but I read every single Mary Oliver poem I saw on my social media feeds, and found them all moving as heck.
I have no idea how TF one buys or heists art, but I saw a Tatiana Berg painting in a Curbed apartment tour (I'm such a cliche, I know, I hate myself for it more than you ever could), and now I want one.
I saw If Beale Street Could Talk last weekend, and good lord does Barry Jenkins know how to make a movie that makes me feel a lot all at once.
Still laughing at this dumb joke.